The Journey of a Life Coach with Sabine Roden | Podcast Ep. 068

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Interview Transcription

Morris: Welcome to creategrowprofit and today we have a different type of episode. I’m speaking with a coach friend of mine Sabine Roden. She’s a live coach and we’re talking about traveling. How we both traveled and how that helped us grow.

Sabine and I just before this, had a different conversation about traveling, and then in the moment we just decided let’s do a podcast episode out of this. So Sabine you asked why I studied abroad and we have completed different stories. I was introduced to studying abroad by my parents. You were introduced by studying abroad out of your own efforts and you went to work for it for one year but before that as you were studying French and Spanish what pushed you to say, hey I’m going to work one year and make the move to go abroad study abroad live abroad for a long period of time and even you know work for it, save money to do that”.

Do you remember the spark that made you o that?

Sabine: Honestly, I think it was a bit of a spark of so I actually tried to go abroad after I had finished two years of college. I had worked with a local university, a sister university and I got no scholarships and it actually made me really upset. I wasn’t the very very top you know like I was great as a student but I wasn’t the top the 100% person. I also hadn’t messed up a bunch in my life. There were tons of money given to people who had messed up a ton and to the very very top and to for somebody who was right under that there was nothing.

Honestly, I think the spark was a bit of a like you’re going to somehow make it so I can’t do this like oh no that actually anybody who tells me I have a little bit of that. If you tell me I can’t do something, I’m gonna prove you wrong. And so there was a little bit, there definitely was a little bit of that in there. It was and it was also after two years, it was the only thing I enjoyed from school. I mean like I had said to you I was a great student in lots of things but like where was my joy?

I loved everything French and even when I went to school over there for a year. I used to say when I came back that I had the thickest Coke bottle rose color glasses because I was so in love with everything French. I think it was pulling me even then even though I didn’t realize it. I think it’s always been just a place and I felt so good when I lived over there. I finally felt like I belonged like these were people I belonged with. These were people like me and so yeah it was a combination of that pull towards something that felt good and kind of more easy. Like it felt like me and then somebody giving me a hard time and not giving me a scholarship and …

Morris: How dare they?

Sabine: I was gonna show them I was gonna work for a year and I was gonna go no matter what.

Morris: Yeah how dare they not let you go to France?

Sabine: Do they not know me like?

Morris: I love that was the spark that energy you know that rebellion in a sense and how long did you stay in France?

Sabine: I was there for the full school year and then I think people still do that a lot. I was already there so then I spent the summer doing the EUR Rail Pass you know the students and I went to a bunch of places in Europe to take advantage since I was there. Yeah, so I was there for almost a full year.

Morris: Wow yeah that’s a pretty long time and then you came back with culture shock right?

Sabine: Oh it was horrible. Yeah, I mean I felt so good over there things like I like hanging my clothes out to dry versus using the dryer. Morris, that is not the American way. The American way is you use the dryer, and you drive everywhere you know. You don’t walk. I would walk 45 minutes to get to the university and I loved it. I would come home and if I didn’t time it just right, all of the food shops and all of the restaurants would not the restaurants but like the bakery and stuff would be closed because it’s lunchtime and I always thought it good for you like you get to eat too. Again not American in my thinking at all. So I felt so good I felt like that was so much me. Yeah that when I came back I think my mom says, I think she told me that I cried off and on for like three months straight. It was really hard to come back.

Morris: So you had a bigger culture shock coming back than going there, that’s what it sounds like?

Sabine: Going there, I accepted a lot I just was like yeah this is either because it felt better or it resonated with me or I just thought it was a better way of living life. Like everybody gets to eat lunch, what a concept. I thought that was great. I fully supported that even if I hadn’t prepared my lunch and I was really hungry. Yeah, it just felt right.

Where as I came back to the United States and it was like it that ease wasn’t there anymore and that’s clearly been a bit of a trajectory in my life. That I have been more and more conscious of looking for instead of going for what’s hard you know which is what I was taught. Life can be hard it’s just hard growing pains well this idea of like what if you could choose easy? Even if it’s challenging, what if there’s an easier way through the challenge so I think that seed was planted way back when yeah cuz when I came back to the States, I was just … Everything was really really hard although this is a funny story. So everything was really really hard except I remember so I would always make raspberry jam and so I came back from France.

Morris: You made that in France?

Sabine: No no I mean I used to. I would make it all the time in the US. I didn’t have my supplies in France for it but when I came back, I remember making raspberry jam. And every day for lunch I would make a peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich and I loved it. Like the French part of me that was like oh the flavors, the textures like I tried to bring France back with me that love of food that appreciation for the smaller things in life. Like I built I started all of that when I was in France and so many of those things are still so important to to me today to enjoy life. I mean we’re here, why not enjoy being here? So yeah I remember for months the highlight of my day was this peanut butter and raspberry jelly sandwich. I still remember it. I still remember like it was so good.

Morris: That must be one hell of a raspberry jam, Sabine.

Sabine: Yeah I made it from you know scratch. I made it from my own hands. It was raspberries in season like it just okay I’m gonna say this and after everything I’ve said, it’s probably gonna make sense that raspberry jam reminded me of home and home was France.

Morris: I resonated with that very much just it was the opposite direction for me. It was for me, going from Switzerland to the US and I was never much of a pizza fan until I came back from the US. I have so many great memories of eating pizza in the US even like you know leftovers the next morning, cold pizza slices for breakfast, how great is that. If you don’t think it’s great …

Sabine: Pizza is magical.

Morris: It’s so good and ever since then like I love pizza because I attach those memories those emotions to to eating pizza.

Sabine: So you get it. Your pizza is my raspberry jam. You get it.

Morris: Yeah I do, I do. Let me ask differently, how big of an importance was your traveling in the work that you do today?

Sabine: That’s fascinating. I love that question is making me think of it, I mean I’ve never thought of that question before. Actually, it feels like traveling as I feel into it as I think of what you know you and I have just been talking about. Traveling helped me become me but another part of me has always been I’ve wanted to help people. I’ve wanted to and specifically for myself, I’ve always wanted to do you know the phrase to clean out from under the rug like people will bury things under the rug? I just don’t understand that. To me, I want a non-bumpy rug like I want to pick up the rug and I want to find what’s there. And to me, that’s fun and exciting and I think I get a dopamine hit. I’m like oh I just figured that out like that’s so much fun. It’s almost like a people as puzzles or something.

Morris: Do you get this dopamine hit when you clean it from under the rock for yourself or for other people or both?

Sabine: Both but if I help somebody else clean out from under their rug, no matter how much I facilitate and assist ultimately, human freewill choice they could have blocked me at any point. So ultimately, the other person has got to choose it they’ve got to choose that they’re okay cleaning out from under their rug. And so in that moment, I am so happy like that happiness that I have when I do it with myself. I am so happy for them. I am not gonna take away that but I will add like my light. I will add my excitement to theirs but I’m not gonna say it’s mine or my soul doing because I recognize that it all comes, Morris, it all comes back to me.

Had anybody told me along the way and I’ve had people try to tell me this, oh you you did X Y or Z because I did this for you. It’s like “oh no no no no no”. At the end of the day, I make my mistakes but I also do all my whatever is brilliant like that’s on me too. So you can’t, I’m not going to allow somebody to take away anything that I’m responsible for but equally I’m not going to allow somebody to take away something that I’ve worked for or I’ve gained or like heck no it’s mine.

So I’m not going to do that to somebody else either. If they’ve done even a part of the work like that’s theirs and they need that to be recognized. Let me change that, I’ve needed to recognize that as I do things for myself, as I work on myself. Like I get to pat myself on the back. That’s a good thing and so I am giving people simply, I’m following the rules that I want other people to follow with me. That I follow with me, that’s what I want to give somebody else. And yeah how does that resonate for you? How does that?

Morris: No I think you said something really important and the way I would phrase it is getting coached is not easy. We make it oftentimes, we want to make it look like “Oh he got help, she got help, they didn’t do it on their own” but allowing someone to help you is not as easy as it sounds. I’m saying that with each year that I spend you know more time coaching and working with more different people where I’m really starting to realize also in my own life that not many people are ready or allow others to help them or allow others to coach them through a process.

Even those who are ready it’s not as easy as it looks because you got to admit vulnerability, you got to clean out from under the rug, you got to you know grow a part of your old self dies along the way and so I think it’s really awesome how you recognize this achievement in others and it’s true they can block out help anytime they want. And if they don’t, the results, the achievements, the success is really on them because even just allowing somebody to help, allowing yourself to listen to somebody is a big step.

Sabine: Yeah I mean how is it in Switzerland? I know in the US that’s not something we’re taught. In fact, we’re encouraged to do so much at least you know. I know me growing up and it was the more you could do on your own, oh kudos to you. Even better to you, is that similar in Switzerland?

Morris: Yes definitely but I also think it depends on what it is. For example, if somebody wants to do sports and excel in sports is like the most normal thing to say well why don’t you get a trainer or Why don’t you join a club or why don’t you train with others. But when it’s something like I don’t know how do I say like I want to be more positive about myself and then you get therapy or you get coached on that, that is seen as a weakness so I think it really depends on what it is.

There are some things where it’s you know even like family issues right? Where if a family hires help because parents are struggling with the children that is often seen as “Oh look the parents are failing”. But if for example, you’re pregnant right and you get expert help it’s like “Oh very good they care about the baby”. So I find it fascinating how asking for help changes so much based on context.

Sabine: That’s a good call out yeah. You’re right, we’ve got things in silos where it is okay and it is not okay. It’s not even like there’s a middle ground. It’s very much really is on one extreme or the other.

Morris: Yeah and I learned that through traveling right? Like seeing how other people behave in different situations.

Sabine: What?

Morris: Yeah and it opened my eyes to the fact that yeah there are other ways. We can choose different reactions or different opinions on different subjects.

Sabine: What I noticed from traveling was how countries could do things differently versus I actually it was much less about the individual or those sorts of experiences, that’s so fun.

Morris: No for me actually it was the opposite you know especially going to the US. For example, in Europe, people say Americans are obese and they’re all crazy. Okay? That’s like the European stigma of Americans but I met the smartest people, most athletic people, and healthiest eating people in the US. I didn’t meet them in Europe.

Sabine: Interesting.

Morris: What I find very valuable for me in you know what I learned early through traveling is that you can have a picture of a country and maybe the country as a whole does certain things but it doesn’t apply to all the individuals. You’re gonna find individuals who live by their own rules, and guidelines who carve out their own path and so you can’t apply a picture of a country to an individual person and that’s how I got more interested in individuals and less interested in countries as a whole.

Sabine: Can I ask a quick question?

Morris: Sure, go ahead.

Sabine: It feels like traveling for you opened up your mind to the exterior world and traveling for me actually opened up potential, I would say a little bit more internally like I can be me when I travel. For you, it feels like it was a little bit of other people like everybody can do their own thing but I needed to know that for myself and you saw it for everyone else.

Morris: Yes I think you’re right. For sure it changed me as well. Yeah, I guess it gave me permission to pursue my goals right? I saw other individuals who just go their own way even though their country is supposed to be different and they just don’t care right? Like if you’re American, you’re supposed to be obese meanwhile they eat like organic food from like special farms, are super clean, very athletic. They don’t care what an American quote-unquote is supposed to be right?

And it gave me permission to or I got courage through that to say you know what even if I was born, where I was born and I grew up, how I grew up I can carve my own path, and for me that was specifically making money online. I love the idea of working online and being able to travel even more or location-independent and so yeah. Sabine, I know that you have a really cool demo where you work with somebody, where can people watch that demo?

Sabine: Oh yeah so it’s right off of my website. If you go to becomingyou.life/demo/ yeah it’s right there. It’s an eight-minutes video that is the core of the session where I worked with someone who was a new client but worked with her to she really needed she felt the pain and the discomfort of not being able to have some really hard conversations with some family members and in that one session, we were able to shift and release the things getting in the way and align her with ease just being able to have easy conversations which she turned around within I think it was certainly by the end of that day within a few hours maybe even an hour she turned around and she started setting up the conversations that she had wanted to have.

Morris: I’ll link to that below the episode and I think we’re going to need a follow-up conversation after this. There is so much more to talk about. Thank you very much Sabine for doing this part one with me today.

Sabine: Thanks, thank Morris.

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